Colbert Super PAC S.H.H., a 501(c)(4)

Dear Person, Place, or Thing, Did you feel it? Last Thursday, there was a shift in the space/time continuum. There have been reports of goldfish spontaneously switching gender. Dogs and cats weeping in each others' arms. The image of Federal Election Commissioner Cynthia Bauerly appearing in a tortilla in New Mexico. Why? Because I have reached the next level and formed a 501(c)(4). I'll pause for a moment to allow you to applaud this email. As you know, when we began Colbert Super PAC, we had a simple dream; to use the Supreme Court's Citizens' United ruling to fashion a massive money cannon that would make all those who seek the White House quake with fear and beg our allegiance...in strict accordance with federal election law. And you've responded generously; giving your (or, possibly, your parents') hard-earned money in record numbers. And although we value those donations, we were somewhat surprised to note that none of them ended in "-illion." That is why I formed the Colbert Super PAC S.H.H., a 501(c)(4), to help lure the big donors. As anybody who thumbs through the tax code on the toilet knows, a 501(c)(4) organization is a nonprofit that can take unlimited donations and never has to report the donors. This should be especially helpful considering that establishing this new 501(c)(4) has quadrupled our parentheses budget. Already, we have gotten a massive donation from [NAME WITHHELD], a kind and [ADJECTIVE WITHHELD] person who only wants to [OBJECTIVE WITHHELD]. Now we are boldly and transparently entering a new era of secrecy, because as of last Thursday, we all just got one day closer to Making a Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow. XXOO$$, Stephen Colbert President and Assistant Custodian of the Star Chamber, Americans For A Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow Paid for by Americans for a Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow Not authorized by any candidate or candidate's committee. www.colbertsuperpac.com